Summertime: Action, Adventure, Amazement!

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I tend to spend a lot of my time planning out the future, maybe it’s the Capricorn in me. Conveniently enough, it’s summer, the time for big dreams and huge plans.  After all, I spend months brainstorming summer plans (just look at my most popular post today, Mid-Summer Check-Up)!

Moving around and seeing new things inspire me: they feed my ambitions, drive my writing hand and push me to do and see more.

What I’m Seeing…

+Northern California! I’m going to Suisun City for a family reunion and I am SUPER excited – I’ve never been to California before. I look forward to basking in the sunshine, frolicking on the beach and touring the Jelly Belly Jelly Bean factory. Don’t ask which one I expect enjoy the most.

+Orlando, Florida – Where I’m going act a touristy mess. (I have my limits though. No fannypacks.) I’m going with my family to Orlando. I would love to go to Disney World, but it’s expensive, especially if you want to see all of the parks. (though if I were to have to go to ONE, which one does everyone suggest? Just in case.) I am, however, going to Universal Studios to see the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Expect copious amounts of butterbeer, which probably isn’t the best plan, considering I love rollercoasters.

+Seeing the Savage Beauty exhibit in NYC. I have never been this excited for an exhibition in my life. It is totally worth an eight-hour pilgrimage. Plus, I’ve never been to the Met before. Of course, being me, I am already searching Yelp for where I plan on eating.

+The Hesselbein Leadership Summit – Frances Hesselbein is a force of nature. I can’t wait to bask in her knowledge and meet amazing, driven people from the around the world. Pittsburgh, here I come…back?

What I [should be – will be] Doing…

I want to do a ton of things. I haven’t ever written these down, but the inimitable Alexandra Franzen inspired me with her strong words and naked ambition. So why not?

+I want to be a renaissance woman, with skills in all kinds of trades, from scuba, to sewing, to kung-fu to cooking.

+I want to surround myself with electric, fantastic, brilliant people.

+I want to luxuriate in romance, passion, cuddling and great sex

+I want to continue pushing my body to its limits – more running, jumping and climbing.

+I want to continue trying new things, even things as simple as jumping into dancing water or riding a bicycle in a dress

+I want to connect to The Source – by remaining humble, mindful and meditative.

 

 

What do you want to accomplish this summer?

xoxo, Tara

I Have Too Much Stuff! -The Update

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As you may know, I decided to do a short-term New Year’s Resolution – I would stop shopping for new clothes, starting in the beginning of my spring semester at college – January 4th, 2011 – to the end, May 1st, 2011. Effectively, four months. No shopping online, or in stores (or yard sales, or estate sales…). I wouldn’t accept gifts of clothing from my mother, and I abstained from purchasing shoes and accessories as well. The only clothing I purchased were to represent an event (I have a shirt from my university’s production of The Vagina Monologues), things I actually needed (didn’t happen), or replacements for things I already had.

I’m a big proponent of detoxes – my first one was in high school, when I spent far too much time watching Vh1 programming than necessary (Even though those countdown shows and decade retrospectives were quite entertaining). I cut myself off of television for a week and while it was difficult to entertain myself for the first few days, I quickly realized that I was missing far less than I thought.

Quitting something cold turkey is difficult, but for some habits, it is a serious way for you to face your dependence head on . Having an established end date gives you something to look forward to, but often times, by the time you’re finished, you won’t miss the habit as much as you thought you would and you may even be better off without it.

So, how did I do?

I still haven’t bought anything and I am going on five months.

Now, before I go overboard with the self-congratulation, let me admit that it is partly because I’m having the same problem as before: I have far too much clothing and I have no idea what to do with it all! Now that I’ve moved back home, the problem has gotten even worse. I have cramped drawers that are already occupied with clothes, plus all the dirty clothing I brought from school, washed and (eventually) sorted into their proper places.

At this point I have donated three full trash bags to charity but I am still running out of space. Worst part? I haven’t even unpacked most of my clothes from school yet! We’ll see how this all works out, but in the words of Tim Gunn:

This concerns me. (Also, what happened to Andrae?)

However, before I rain all over my achievement like Eeyore’s cloud, let me just say, for someone who loves online shopping as much as I do, this was no small task. So if you’re considering doing a shopping detox, here are some tips!

• Start with what you have.

This seems really obvious, but the first step is going through the clothing you have in your closet and drawers. If you truly feel like your wardrobe is offending your sensibilities, make a day of stuffing it into garbage bags and hauling it over to your nearest charity. You’ll feel their weight lifted off your shoulders, I guarantee you. The most obvious place is Goodwill (the anti-gay controversy surrounding the Salvation Army leaves a bad taste in my mouth), although there are plenty of local organizations that would love your gently used wares.

In this cleaning process, you’ll probably be shocked at the clothing you forgot you owned (sometimes in a bad way, but I won’t judge).

• Repurpose and Remix!

Just because you haven’t worn a certain dress in ages doesn’t mean a simple rehemming, or strategic placement of accessories won’t make an old outfit seem brand new again.

One of my favorite fashion blogs, Kendi Everyday, runs a regular challenge called 30×30 Remix: where you take 30 items from your closet and use them to make 30 outfits, for 30 days. (Abstaining from shopping is optional, but I think it is a nice touch) Her next one is coming up this month, so feel free to jump in and try it!

• It’s okay to window shop!

I struggled at first with the feelings of clothing jealousy, especially in the opening stages of my detox. I would shamelessly covet the striped sailor blouse my friend wore to the cafeteria, the buttoned denim skirt I’d see walking past the art building, the fashionable looks I’d see on blogs and on the street in Pittsburgh.

And of course, I’d feel a pang of longing when my favorite stores announced sales and coupon promotions in my inbox; one of the websites I frequent has a whole feature dedicated to this! However, if you don’t really need something, you’ll be saving more by not buying it all than whatever the coupon is offering. (Unless, of course, they’re giving you something for free…)

The point is, it’s okay.  It’s okay to ogle cute things and sigh enviously that they aren’t populating your closet. You just can’t let it dominate you, or else the detox will be miserable. Besides, you’d be surprised what kinds of inspiration you can use from street style and fashion blogs to give you new ideas to try on what you own.

• Realize the difference between “want” and “(sorta) need”

Unless you’re lacking a clothing staple like a work suit, or weather appropriate clothing, chances are you don’t need most things. The need is often proportionate to the trendiness of the item.

Going on a detox is excellent for deducing what you truly want (thus, sorta need) and is an impulse buy. While a fantastic one-time deal may have to pass you by, most things will still be around once the detox is over. If you find yourself still head over heels, go for it. Chances are, however, you’ll have forgotten all about it in no time flat.

With that said, don’t be shy, go out and try it yourself! And if you aren’t detoxing off of shopping like I was, what about things like television, gluten, facebook, soda, avoiding workouts, caffeine, or …self-doubt?

You never know…

xoxo, Tara

Confessions of a Recovering Hater

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Hi, my name is Tara and I’m a recovering hater.

The most common definition of hater, according to Urban Dictionary, is someone who cannot be happy for another person and focuses on negativity (the subject of hate is oftentimes a successful person). It is not necessarily borne out of jealousy; rather it often comes from the wish to knock someone else down.

Keep in mind, I think “hater” is a tired word that people overuse. However, I can’t really think of another term that aptly describes the behavior pattern I have in mind (if you have another, leave it in a comment, and it would be much appreciated).

My Hating Story

The peak of my haterdom was in middle school and early high school although in later years, my hating has toned down substantially. However, recovery is a continuous process and the tendency for hating may never fully go away.

When I was younger – think eleven – I went through that terrible (at least, to me) stage called puberty. I was suddenly a lot more insecure about everything, from my hair, to my acne, to my braces, to my fashion sense, to my body shape, to my intelligence and everything in between, culminating in a less-than-stellar sense of self-worth.

I didn’t exactly know how to make myself feel better. But when I saw the funny, popular people in school but also on television and the internet, the most entertaining were the ones who had killer put-downs and acerbic wit. That’s who I wanted to be. I became a gossip. I became vicious. I hated.

When I saw someone who I could feel superior to – maybe due to their fashion sense, or my opinion on their intelligence, or their looks, or something else equally pointless – I didn’t miss the chance to come up with a “smart remark”. It didn’t matter if they were higher or lower than I was on the arbitrary social totem pole in grade school – those lower had to stay there, and those higher could stand to be brought down a few pegs. Eventually, it became something of a pastime.

I didn’t really consider the effect my words and attitude had on others; to me, it was all in (mean-spirited) fun. Until I heard through the grapevine about how much a particular girl in my class despised me – I had hurt her feelings and made her angry on several occasions. My “source” mentioned her anger-fueled desire to exact violent revenge on me. She never did, but that was enough of a wake-up call – my behavior was toxic and needed to stop. Immediately.

But it certainly wasn’t overnight – it took me several years before I was able to say I had broken the habit.

Are You a Hater?

It’s tough to label yourself with such a reviled term, but admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery.

Do you…

• Pick on people who you perceive as “beneath” you? Or try to bring people “above” you to your level?
• Try to delegitimize or minimize the achievements of others?
• Assume the worst of people more successful than you are?
• Generally focus on the negative, rather than the positive?
• Spend more time analyzing the lives of others instead of your own?

Just for clarification, having feelings of dislike for legitimate reasons is completely different from hating. Being critical of something or someone is very different from being negative just for the sake of being negative.

How to Deal

Do the traits above apply to you? There are solutions. This is some tough love.

• Realize it’s a Process – You can’t grow out of your negative ways overnight, especially when it’s an ingrained habit. Often times, the best way to combat unnecessarily mean-spirited thoughts is to catch them as they happen and stop them going any further.
• Give People a Break – It’s easy to make snap judgments based on your split-second perceptions, but consider the fact that you might not know their situation before you ridicule them.
• Mind Your Own Damn Business – Yes, it is that serious. Many times when these thoughts arise, there are more pertinent things that could be occupying your mind. If you’re insulting someone who you find “lower” than you, why is this allegedly insignificant person so important that you have to talk about them? If that person is “higher” than you are, why are you investing yourself in the life of someone who is (probably) not invested in yours?
• Don’t entertain negativity and gossip – I’m not going to lie, some people’s critical jokes are extremely hilarious (see: Kid Fury) and everyone has their crabby days, but making a regular habit of it is simply a bad look. If you’ve surrounded yourself with a group of friends who commonly tear down others like a pack of vicious jackals, a close examination of your relationship is in order. Sometimes the solution is as simple as redirecting the conversation to topics more personally relevant to the group or maintaining positivity.
• Avoid the phrase “keep it real” – Aside from the fact that it’s extremely dated and played-out, there’s a major difference between being honest and just using frankness as an excuse for rudeness. Besides, Keeping it Real can often go wrong.
• Address your own shortcomings – This is a deeper, more permanent solution. There’s usually a reason for being super-negative,  based on issues you are having with yourself – often feelings of inferiority. People who are secure in themselves don’t feel the need to keep people in their place or to bring others down. Examining these issues are the key to solving the problem on the deepest level.

Any thoughts or additions? Let me know in the comments.

xoxo, Tara

Help! I Have Too Much Stuff!: A Shopping Intervention

Picture it: Maryland. Right after New Year’s.

I have an extremely large suitcase, filled to the brim with both clothing I had brought from school and had purchased or received over Christmas. The hulking purple creature uncomfortably squeezed through the hallways of my house, settling in its comfortable fate weighing down the back of my mother’s car as I departed for my home-away-from-home in Pittsburgh. Let’s not even talk about the two shopping bags that came with it.

You can only imagine the fun times that were had when I realized I had to take a flight of stairs to my dorm room later that night. If you hadn’t realized by now, yes, I was clearly a passenger on the struggle bus.

I won’t even get into the fact that it took me at least three days to find the courage to open that behemoth and start putting those things away in the limited space that I had.

Why?

Simply put, I have WAY too much stuff.

Has this situation ever happened to you?

You quickly decide that you don’t want something in your wardrobe anymore, because it fits poorly or you got it in junior high, or it’s out of fashion. But at the same time, throwing it away seems like wasted money (What if you lose weight? What if one of your little cousins could use it? What if it becomes retro?) so you keep it. Just in case. Meanwhile, it piles up, creating a maelström of clothing that chokes the life out of your closet and swallows the clothing that you do intend to wear.

Inevitably there are articles of clothing that become a lost cause, as I grudgingly accept that my favorite pair of leggings has been sucked into the abyss, never to be seen again – or I forget that I had owned them in the first place. What do I do next? Buy duplicates. And the cycle continues.

And thus, the experiment was born.

It was a delightful coincidence that one of my favorite bloggers, Gala Darling, has a similar conundrum, and is trying a similar challenge. Mine?

No more shopping, for the rest of the semester.

That’s four months. From now, till May 1st.

I’m not counting essentials on this list, or replacements of unusable items that I already own. This primarily applies to clothing, but I’m going to try to limit my consumption of things like books, trinkets and the like as well.

I have been slowly but surely preparing for this day, as I pare down my wardrobe, giving articles of clothing away to charity, Goodwill and family. Difficult, but manageable.

Even harder is the itchy feeling in my fingers when my favorite online retailer beams their latest lookbook into my inbox, or when my “shopping” folder in my inbox gets filled to the brim with coupon promotions and free shipping codes!

Or the longing when I see inspirational fashion photos in my feed reader or tumblr dashboard and I want to replicate the look. It’ll be a temptation, but I’m going to try to stay strong!

But I need to make a change – so I will! Time to break the chains! Funnily enough, this happens just as I invest in a tripod to take outfit photos to improve my style sense.

I’m not sure exactly how this is going to work – if anyone has done a shopping detox before, your advice would be amazing – but I’m surely going to try. I’ll provide an update in the beginning of March, after two months have passed.

Have any of you gone on a shopping purge? Have you ever considered it? What are your thoughts?

In Defense of Writing Letters – An Open Invitation

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Letter writing is a lost art. I’m looking to change this. (Hint: You’ll see how at the end of this post.)

There are clear reasons for the decline of the written correspondence  – in the world of e-mail and cellphones, writing a message and mailing it off to be received days – or more! – later by your person of interest just seems…inefficient. So why bother writing anything at all if you can type it (or text it?). Time is money, right?

Taking the time to write a letter – or any other form of written message – can mean far more than just simply expending more energy and time to get your point across.

Plus, it sets you apart. Yeah, it sure was nice of you to shoot off a “thank you” email to that bigwig after your big job interview. And surely, your friend will appreciate the “happy birthday” you left on their facebook wall among their other dozens (perhaps hundreds?) of other notifications. But what does that lack? Effort.

And that – effort - is what it all comes down to. Getting a hastily typed note is better than nothing, sure. But taking the time to handwrite your message shows that you feel that this person is important and awesome enough to warrant your time, but also creative energy – after all, you’ll lessen the odds that they’ll be the recipient of a generic form letter.  And who doesn’t like to feel important and awesome?

Plus, it can’t be denied how great it can feel to receive a letter in the mail, period. I know it is for me. I get excited even if I know it’s coming. While I do enjoy seeing a personal e-mail embedded amongst the clutter in my inbox , picking through junk to see a personally addressed letter is far more exciting, because it’s special. Not everyone has the time or interest to mail things and I know this.

“Now,” you may be saying – “what if I’m one of those people who doesn’t have time? I’d try and become a massive failure!” Well, I’d respond – start small! You won’t fail. Not everyone can be a letter-writing extraordinaire overnight – and if you are, I’m seriously impressed! Skip these steps and go on with your bad self. Otherwise, you may be a bit stuck.

Here are some ways to get started:

• Start writing thank-you e-mails. This may seem counterproductive, but if you aren’t used to it, it’s good to get the hang of it. Plus, gratitude never hurt anybody. Throw some additional thank yous in your daily vocabulary just for the heck of it.
• Personally mail your birthday cards. This may be weird if your friend lives down the road, but if they’re scattered nationwide (or even worldwide!) it can mean a lot more than a facebook post. Obviously it may not be feasible (or worthwhile) to do this for every friend, but it’s worth it to recognize the most important ones. Just try to prepare in advance (in other words, write down their birthdays somewhere you’d remember) so you’re prepared.
• Holiday Cards. This is great practice and is coming up soon! Sending a burst of holiday cheer can brighten the day of many a person – and you aren’t on as strict a deadline as a birthday. I’ve had a lot of fun writing holiday cards the past couple of years and it’s a practice I hope to continue in the future. If you don’t have anyone to mail a card to, fear not!

If you want to sharpen your trusty letter writing skillz, feel free to send one to me! You can express interest in the comments if you want (we can iron out the mailing details later), or just shoot me an email (psst – xoxotaratara [at] gmail [dot] com). I’d be more than happy to dish a piping hot serving of holiday delight your way in return.

Holla at me,

Tara

World AIDS Day

Source: Equalitopia Blog

Today, December 1st, is World AIDS Day, a world-wide international initiative designed to spread awareness and education, commemorate those who are living with AIDS or have passed away from AIDS and to celebrate victories in access to treatment and prevention.

Today is an opportunity for widespread involvement and attention to this important issue and each one of us can make a difference. In this information age, you can send help with something as simple as a text message. However, if you are unable to donate time or money, you can help by increasing the awareness of both yourself and others.

Here are some resources if you’d like further information or would like to get more involved:

• World AIDS Day.org
• The Global Fund, a foundation dedicated to fighting AIDS, Tuberculosis and Malaria
• Project (RED) – (Random fact, I’m writing this blog from a Dell Project Red laptop)
• World AIDS Campaign, where there is a World AIDS Day event calendar highlighting events going on worldwide
• UNAIDS, the Joint United Nations Program against HIV/AIDS
• United Nations Millennium Development Goals – Development Goal Number 6 is “Combat HIV/AIDS, Malaria and other diseases”
• AIDS.gov
• MAC AIDS Fund – The Foundation affiliated by MAC Cosmetics

If you have any more links or resources, feel free to let me know in the comments and I’ll edit the post. Thanks!

xoxo, Tara

Light up Night

In case you didn’t know yet, I absolutely love the holiday season and I firmly believe that it is one of the most wonderful times of the year. So it was a no-brainer that I would want to head down to Downtown Pittsburgh for Light up Night, an annual celebration to kick off the holiday season. The tree you can see above  is one of the many trees in the area that were lit for this special night, but none other than Pittsburgh’s mayor, Luke Ravenstahl was present to initiate the lighting of this tree in particular. I especially love how they incorporated the building behind it as well! This year was special – it marks the 60th Anniversary of Light up Night in Pittsburgh, and accordingly, they did it big, with a celebration that spanned two days instead of one. Unfortunately, I only went on Friday as I spent Saturday enjoying Harry Potter and picking up my sister, but that is an entirely different story!

This year, I went with a group of friends and unlike last year, where I had a bit of an epic fail, I managed to not only catch a glimpse of the tree as it was lit, but also get a good view of the fireworks as well. Downtown Market Square was absolutely packed with spectators from all over Pittsburgh. Here’s a video I took of the tree as it gets lit:

Here’s another video, of the tree flashing as well as the fireworks that were shot off in the area (one thing I’ve noticed about Pittsburgh is that it LOVES its fireworks). Of course, these were nothing compared to the firework extravaganza that was to come later on that night.

This is the tree that was standing in Fifth Avenue Place – it also got lit, but unfortunately, I missed that one as my group and I spent a few minutes looking for it, only to realize we were around the corner! I don’t have any pictures that would give it a good sense of scale, but this is a tree decoration that is draped across the surface of a building downtown. If the one in the first few images was thirty-three feet tall, this one must be gigantic! Most of the Light up Night festivities were going on in this area, with music, food, ice sculptures, light up toys and decorations and even performers:

This Buddy lookalike was walking around on stilts in front of Fifth Avenue Place downtown. He agreed to take a picture with us, but my friend Jess had to kneel on the ground to include all of us in the shot!

After we spent time in awe of the trees and navigating the ultra-crowded food court in the mall, the group made our way to the Andy Warhol bridge to take in the fireworks. We came early to get a good spot, but we had to endure the biting cold and classic rock covers while we tried to pass the time. I don’t know why my face looks so angry – maybe it’s because I had to use my scarf as an ear-warmer before they fell off my head. That, or I wasn’t a big fan of the music. Either way, the fireworks were well worth the wait and started promptly at the advertised time of 9:38 (don’t ask me why the time was that specific, I have no idea).

Here is an excellent glimpse of the fireworks they shot off that night. It was an epic twenty-plus minute show, that included a medley of Christmas music and at one point, a shower of fireworks raining down from the Roberto Clemente bridge itself, the bridge directly facing the one we were standing on (!!). It wasn’t possible to get the entire show on tape, but here’s the grand finale for your consumption, if you couldn’t be there:

(Psst! You can watch this and most of the other videos on this entry in HD!)

After that, we braved the heavy crowds from both Light up Night and that evening’s Pittsburgh Penguins game to catch a bus back to Oakland. If you want to see the rest of my pictures from Light up Night (including the photos I took last year!), just visit this link.

xoxo, Tara

I’ll Do it Later…: Tips to Vanquish Procrastination

Are you making like my cat when you should be working?

We’ve all been there. Deadlines. Many times it’s a homework assignment due in a matter of days, perhaps it’s a project or exam that will come up weeks down the line. Sometimes, you have no real timetable for completion, making it even worse! If you’re currently enrolled in some sort of school (High School, University, etc) or are in a profession where deadlines are common, you’ll understand what I mean.

I know – often I procrastinate like it’s my job. Over the years I have gotten better (I was absolutely horrible in my grade school years before college) but I understand the feeling. As defined by Stay Focused, the application I use to help curb my procrastination habits:

The procrastinator is often remarkably optimistic about his ability to complete a task on a tight deadline; this is usually accompanied by expressions of reassurance that everything is under control. (Therefore, there is no need to start.) Lulled by a false sense of security, time passes. At some point, he crosses over an imaginary starting time and suddenly realizes, “Oh no! I am not in control! There isn’t enough time!”

Is that you? It’s certainly been me. There’s no definite way to end procrastination – different things work well for different people. Plus, if it’s a really ingrained habit, breaking it is difficult, even if you complete a task before the last-minute. But even so, certain things have helped me, so here are my tips to kick procrastination’s ass!

Write down the task and due date – where you’ll see it!

The “where you’ll see it” is probably the most important part. How many of us have dutifully gotten a desk calendar or day planner and written an assignment down a week ahead of time, only to remember right before it’s due? If you can’t see when things are coming around the bend, make sure you remind yourself in a way that you’ll remember.

Tips:

• Get a monthly desk calendar – that way you can see your projects that month at a glance, not just what you have due that day or that week.
• Write up post-its and place them in highly visible places – if you see “schedule an eye appointment” on your bathroom mirror, it’s hard to forget!

Plan Ahead

Some things are relatively simple – sending a quick email, for instance. Other things need a greater amount of time – planning an event or studying for an exam come to mind. It’s best to get these big deal items out-of-the-way quickly to see the best results – so plan accordingly. If you think you need a week to do something, make sure you give yourself that time!

Tips:

• Schedule your tasks not just by the day you need to finish them, but also by when you need to start working on them. For an exam, just don’t note the day and time it’s happening, pick an appropriate starting point so you aren’t scrambling to a professor’s office hours the day of the test because of a last-minute question.

Break down big tasks into small steps

When you have a big, abstract task to get done, for instance “Write Sociology Paper”, or “Study for Chemistry Exam”, it can seem daunting. For many people, if they don’t know where to start, they’ll hardly start at all, so it will sit on the top of their to-do list, sadly going undone until it is almost too late. Don’t let this be you! Take the time to consider what doing these tasks entail, exactly. Do you need to print out review notes? Re-read a selected set of chapters? Go over in-class quizzes? Write those down instead. That way, when you head to the library (or wherever), you’ll know ahead of time what you intend to carry out and how.

Tips:

• Breaking these tasks down sequentially may help. When planning programs for my residents, I might spend one day making flyers, the next printing them and posting them, and the day after that, reminding them to come out via e-mail. If I know what order I need to work in, I don’t have to stare at my to-do list wondering which to start on first.
• For an added dose of productivity, arrange your to-do list not by task, but by “place”. For instance, if you have various things to get done at a computer lab (print lecture notes, send e-mails, scan pictures, etc), group them together so you can get them done at the same time.

Crack the whip – on yourself

I know, I know – some of these sound great. And many times, you may try them and realize how gratifying it is to finish something ahead of time, allowing you to sleep the night before without worry…but old habits die hard. Good intentions are often not enough and you’ll find yourself stalking random high school acquaintances on Facebook and reading semi-interesting articles on Wikipedia and not doing any sort of work. You may know in the back of your mind that a single sheet of paperwork will take you fifteen minutes to complete, at max – but you just need to finish this tenth game of Solitaire! Sometimes you need to give yourself some tough love. This requires some self-control because it’s hilariously easy to cheat sometimes, but sometimes a gentle shove in the right direction is all you need.

Tips:

• Move out of your room – Sometimes eliminating the home environment can make you easily more productive. Even though I have the same amount of distractions at my disposal, I’m much less likely to mess around on Livejournal in the campus computer lab than in my room.
• Eliminate distractions manually – this is where things like Stay Focused come in. Sometimes you have to give yourself the extra reduced incentive to mess around, unfortunately. If you’re writing a paper, shut down your internet browser, turn off the television and set your phone to silent.
• Delay gratification – This one works for me, sometimes. Maybe I have a craving for something from the vending machine, or I want to watch the latest episode of Modern Family on Hulu. Perhaps I want to hit the town with my friends. I’ll refuse to indulge my desires until my task gets completed, so I’m forced to get it done if I want the reward.
• Set an ahead-of-schedule deadline – When I write papers, I usually try to finish them a day ahead of time so they someone can critique them at my campus’ Writing Center. While it is great to have another set of eyes read my work, it’s also a great way to make sure I finish my papers before the night before or day of.

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These are some tips that have served me well in the past – but I’d love to hear more suggestions! If you have more ideas, or just suffer from procrastination yourself, drop me a line in the comments!

xoxo, Tara

3 Simple Steps to Being a More Awesome You

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I must preface this article by saying: You are magnificent, stupendous and just plain fabulous, just you case you haven’t heard that today. But maybe you aspire to give yourself a personal tune-up, which is quite reasonable, considering that nobody on this Earth is perfect!

But how do you go about doing that – you certainly can’t go from a shrinking Violet to astonishing Amaryllis overnight. But you can start taking steps to get there, and here is my simple three-step program for you to read at your greatest convenience.

But as an aside, make sure the reason you want to do this is for yourself. If you’re doing this for someone else, not only will you be unfulfilled, you’ll have to struggle trying to act like a person that you aren’t. For your peace of mind, please pump the brakes and put the car in park before that goes any further. Trading who you are for someone else’s approval is never worth it, even if it seems that way at first.

Step 1: Evaluate

How are you going to move forward if you have no idea where you’re trying to go? Who is your ideal you? Then, think deeply about what you want from yourself. One of the most effective ways for me is to identify somebody that I really admire and consider what makes them so awesome to me.

Do you admire RuPaul for his charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent – and those entrances he makes that bring down the house?

Maybe you admire Eleanor Roosevelt, for her diplomacy, wisdom and tireless work for equality and all around awesomeness?

Perhaps you fancy yourself somewhere in the middle or somewhere completely different. Who knows, it’s up to you! Make a list of some traits you’d like to incorporate into your day-to-day life, and you can make them as reasonable or outrageous as you’d like. Do you want to be more intergalactic? Go for it.

Step 2: Make a list.

What does a _________ person do, anyway? Even if you have no idea, throw whatever you’re thinking of on a piece of paper.

If you’re aspiring to be more outgoing and social, maybe upping your cocktail party game would be on the list.  Brave? Maybe you’d tackle something scary like skydiving. If you’re seeking to be more open-minded, perhaps you would list things that you’ve never tried before, like scuba diving or bhangra dancing. (If you’ve already tried these things, you’re ahead of me!)

Brainstorm that bad boy. Think big or small to give you ideas, and…

Step 3: Do ‘em.

Sounds pretty obvious, right? As simple as this sounds, this step is easily the most difficult. But if you’re trying to be a more spontaneous person, but jumping up on a stage for some impromptu karaoke gives you the heebie-jeebies, maybe you have some work to do. (Or it’s not your thing, which is no big deal.) But the fact is, if you want a major change in your life, going about the same routine isn’t the way to do it.

Step out there, be that person! At first it might seem pretty awkward – after all, the point of many of those things being on your list is that they’re outside of your comfort zone. And scary, too – but that’s alright. But as you keep on entering marathons, taking merengue lessons and practicing French, you may find that it’s becoming closer and closer to second nature. Often times these things aren’t as scary as you think – and you may regret the things that you didn’t do more than what you actually did.

xoxo, Tara

Do You Need that Expansion Pack? Or…Why Your (Love) Life Should be More Like the Sims

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Note: You don’t have to have a strong familiarity with The Sims to understand what I’m about to say, but if you’d like to brush up, there’s plenty of information on its Wikipedia page.

A lot of people put emphasis on “summer love” – but I truly think the time the yearn for coupledom starts once summertime starts to cool down and slowly but surely, the leaves begin to change. Catching the eye of an attractive stranger suddenly becomes less appealing, as cuddling with a special someone underneath a blanket – warm drink optional, but highly recommended – quickly rises in priority. Don’t even get me started on holidays: if you’re alone by then you must be hopeless, am I right?

Sound familiar?

A lot of us have had this feeling – myself included. When feeling flirty, free and uncommitted loses its luster, things start to feel a bit incomplete without a special someone to fill in the blanks you may have in your life. But is that really what you need?

Enter …The Sims.

And no, I am not suggesting you play it, but I would recommend against it if you have work to do.

The Sims is a fantastic game – if you don’t agree, just humor me. There are so many possibilities and choices you can make. While you don’t have control over every single thing and you determine much of the game’s outcome by choices you make. The open-ended nature and never-ending set of goals make it possible to play for hours. Plus, of course, there is so much richness and detail in almost all aspects of the game, that you can dive in, no matter how you like to play. To make it even more expansive, there are expansion packs – they add more variety and dimensions to the game. For example, in one, your Sim gains the ability to attend college.

This isn’t a paid advertisement for the game, though.

Part of the appeal of the Sims is the fact that it’s a great game out of the box – expansion packs enhance the experience, but they surely don’t make the game: you’d probably be having fun whether your Sim was attending college or not.

But just like the Sims doesn’t need an expansion pack to be enjoyable, you shouldn’t need a “special someone” to give your life the spark it needs, either.

Someone wise once said, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?”

And Rupaul was speaking the absolute truth. If your life is lacking in some regard – you feel purposeless, your self-esteem isn’t up to par, etcetera, relying on somebody (or something!) else to mend those problems can be a fruitless endeavor. If you expect someone lovely to sweep you off your feet and suddenly – everything will be different! – you may be in for some serious disappointment. Hoping an external force to solve your personal problems single-handedly is a very lofty expectation – one that very few people, or things can live up to. Not only does this create high standards on your end; it might be frustratingly difficult to achieve for the other person as well. Expecting someone to be magical is just plain unfair.

These mechanisms go past significant others – you could apply the same idea things like weight or fitness level, place of residence, the clothes in your closet or the figure in your bank account. If these things change, all of your problems will evaporate, leaving your life tens of times better. Unfortunately, that’s not true. They’re a way of shifting the problem on an external force, because let’s face it: total accountability can be terrifying. I can relate.

When things are a jumbled mess within, adding something extra on top probably won’t fix things – instead, they might become even more complicated. What’s the sense in installing an expansion pack if your game is broken? Now you’re playing the same busted Sims – but hey, at least they can go to college! When the game’s not crashing, of course.

Just like you shouldn’t need an expansion pack to enjoy the Sims properly, you shouldn’t need a romantic relationship or some other substitute in order to enjoy your life. Adding something or someone to the mix can be truly wonderful – but ineffective if there are some serious technical issues already in place. Unless there’s a solid foundation, you’re missing out on the true experience. And why would you want to do that?

Just remember: External forces do not make you worthy of love, fulfillment or happiness. You do.

And here’s a hint: you are already worthy. Trust me. But of course, it’s not up to me to tell you.

xoxo, Tara